It is not the affair that ends a relationship; it is the inability of the spouse, to be honest, and clean about the cheating. Most husbands and wives claim that betrayal is the real issue behind cheating. If you are the cheating spouse, you need to make an extra effort in winning back your partner.
Steps to follow to get your spouse back if you have been unfaithful
Come Clean with the Truth
You need to tell your spouse the whole truth about the affair; how it began and the extend of the affair. It is highly damaging for the spouse to withhold any information after confessing. When your spouse finds out that you have been withholding, it will be so difficult to rebuild broken trust. Reveal all the facts and information as the first step of winning trust from your spouse.
Become an Open Book
Be ready to answer all the questions that your spouse will ask you about the affair. Be willing to do anything your spouse requests for to feel secure in the relationship. Every relationship is different. You can decide to share cell phones information, credit card, social media passwords, and any other information. Some may decide to keep each other updated on where they are. Remember, this level of accountability might decrease as the relationship becomes stronger.
Terminate Contact with the Affair Partner
This goes without saying because you will need to break off any contact with the affair partner. If you get a text of an email from the affair partner, tell your wife or husband. Trying to delete the message and the emails is not a solution. If your partner finds out, the process of rebuilding trust will blow and become more difficult. If you had made any progress, your efforts would be in vain.
Have the STDs Test
This is the most embarrassing part of the process. It is necessary for you to do the STDs test to make sure that you and your partner are clean. Share the results and let your partner find out what you got.
Make Your Relationship a Priority
Hiding an affair took the first position in your relationship and diverted all your attention from your family. After ending the affair, it is time now to rearrange your priorities and make your marriage number one. If it has to go the counseling way to spend more time with your partner, then do it. All the energy that you need direct it in maintaining your relationship.
Accept that the affair issue may not just go away
Your partner will still want to continue talking about it because forgiveness does not happen overnight. Feel free to address any issue that will arise and move on. You might be forced to redo the talking over and over again until your partner is satisfied. Healing will not happen overnight; it is a process that will involve a lot of talking, openness, and honesty.
Do not just say sorry, mean your words
Saying sorry and apologizing is not enough, you need to take the full responsibility for your actions. Be sincere in your efforts of rebuilding trust. Genuine apologies will heal the bitterness in marriage and move on. Do not say sorry yet is you are not planning to stop the affair and focus on your relationship.
Daily Reconnecting with your Partner
Your spouse has the final say on whether to continue with the relationship or not. Prove to him or her that the relationship is worth saving and reconnect with your spouse every day. Spend time together because this connection is important in healing your marriage. Have a quiet time together, switch off your phones and maintain eye contact as you show a positive body language.
Give the whole process time
Nothing will happen automatically because of infidelity is the highest level of betrayal in relationships. You will not expect that hurt and disappointments will just go away and disappear into thin air. It is a process that the cheating spouse needs to endure and be patient. Give each other time to think whether the marriage is worth saving or should it end. If you make a mutual decision that you want to stay in the marriage, work out things as a team.
Getting your spouse back after being unfaithful requires sincere efforts. You can give your relationship a second chance and survive through the difficult situation. The relationship and connection will become stronger with time.