Talking to Your Children about your Separation

After getting all the evidence, you needed to show that your spouse has been unfaithful, what next? Some couples may consider working out things together while others may consider divorce and separation. Remember rebuilding shattered trust is the hardest things. Mistrust will continuously eat away the connection with your spouse to the point that you no longer want to live together.

It is difficult to break the news to your children because you do not know how or what to tell them. Parents feel like they are inflicting pain on their children because of having marital problems that could not be solved. It is very important to talk to your children about separation and divorce. Here are tips on how best to talk to your children.

Check the Schedule of your Children

Do not break the news to them when they are about to do exams or to participate in extra curriculum activities like games. It might affect their performance. If you are considering a divorce, it is important to keep it to yourselves until when you are sure about it. Do not use statements like “Mom and Dad are considering separation.” This will confuse the child and will emotionally stress her or him. They will keep on bombarding you with questions that you will not be able to answer. Choose the best moment for your children and yourselves.

Do the Talking with your Spouse

You and your spouse may be arguing all the time and disagreeing on any other issues. But when it comes to talking to your children, you will have to agree and talk together talk to them. Sharing the news together will show that you are working as a team and will avoid confusion. If every parent has to share a different story, then it will confuse the children. Working as a team will protect the children’s trust to both parents.

Avoid sharing all the Details

Use a simple language that will be easily understood by your child. You can say that “Daddy and Mommy have had a little talk and Daddy is going to leave in a new apartment.” Let the children know about the visitation days to the other parent’s new relocation. This will comfort and give your children peace of mind because they know that can continue seeing both parents. If the children have witnessed you arguing you can explain to them that you are doing this for the best of the family. After explaining, handle their questions will provide simplicity and avoid giving many details that could confuse them.

Make sure to tell your Children that it is not their Fault

Most of the times the children will blame themselves for the separation and divorce, and they may not say it. Your children might think that because they have not been fully obedient or not doing their chores well could have caused the separation. Assure them that the separation has nothing to do with them, and that is a decision made between the parents. You can tell them how sorry you are that mommy is moving to a new house and there is nothing wrong you have done. You will be visiting her whenever you like.

Do not blame you Spouse in front of the Kids

No matter how angry you are, do not argue or blame each other in front of the kids. Remember that they should not know any information about the infidelity of financial problems. If you expose you bad characters, they will start associating with those characters and might affect their moral behavior. Do not expose each other in front of your kids. The children should feel free and love both parents in spite of divorce.

Spare your Children Separation Details

Keep divorce and court proceedings papers out of their reach, especially if your children know how to read. Avoid discussing legal matters over the phone when the children are at home. When you receive a call from your friend of a lawyer, go out of the house to discuss the issues. If this may raise a concern, you might agree with your lawyer to call you when the children have gone to school or daycare. If the children find out on their own, it will be difficult for you to bring them on board. Also, do not coach your children what to say if you are to get a professional visit because it always backfires. Allow them to stay natural and confident. The main aim for separation is in the best interest of the whole family.

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