There will always be disagreements between couples that could lead to arguments. It does not involve physical fighting that could harm any of the spouses, but it is mainly verbal. Just like any other game that has rules, fair fighting among couples has some ground rules.
Rules make it easy for couples to resolve arguments and disagreements
Avoid using Insulting Words
Do not use names and words that could degrade your spouse or show disrespect for her or his dignity. Protect the dignity and respect for your partner even if they are the one who has made a mistake. Using insulting language may not make you resolve conflicts, it makes it more complicated.
Avoid Blaming Each Other
If you keep on blaming your spouse, it makes her or him become defensive and increase an argument. It also diverts your attention from solving the problem you and your partner are facing. Make a conscious decision of being calm and stick to “I” statements to express your feelings. If your spouse realizes his or her mistakes, they will apologize and find a way of solving the problem.
Do not shout
Shouting and yelling makes you angrier and annoys your partner too. It is difficult to solve a problem when the involved parties have high emotions. If you are excessively mad, make an initiative to step away from the discussion and take time to cool. Use a cool and a polite voice to your partner instead of yelling. Effective communication is important in solving arguments and fights.
Do not threaten your Partner
Do not become physically violent of even attempt to beat your partner. Verbal threatening is also unacceptable during the fair fighting. Have a personal discipline and control your anger before you reach that point of threatening your spouse. Do not also hit or drop things in the house. If you act violently, it will affect the safety of your spouse. Everyone has the right to feel safe and secure in relationships.
Do not about Separation or Divorce
At the pick of an argument, most couples are more likely to use divorce or separation as a way of manipulating their partner. It creates unnecessary tension between you two and will not help in solving the problem. Since trust and commitment will start fading away, it will not be easy to restore the relationship. Avoid talking about divorce and take time to solve your problems instead of magnifying them.
Talk about yourself
Know about yourself instead of your spouse. Avoid using statements that define what your partner wants, believes or needs. It seems easier to analyze your partner’s behavior and forget about yourself. Talking about your spouse will distract you from solving the problem because your partner will become defensive. It is important to stick to talking about your feelings and unmet concerns.
Stick to the Main Issue
Avoid bringing up other issues from the past because it will discourage your partner. Let the past be and focus on the present issue to make a better future. It is easier to resolve the issue at hand and move forward. If you have other issues, find another time to talk about it.
Allow your Partner to Speak
You should air out your concerns and give your spouse time to talk. Listening is part of effective communication between couples. Both of you need a chance to talk about the issue. Taking time to listen to your partner gives you time to understand him or her and avoid making assumptions. If you speak the whole time and dominate the whole conversation, it will reduce the morale of your partner to participate in solving the problem.
Time-Outs are Helpful
Just like matches, they always have time-outs. If you realize your emotions are becoming uncontrollable, take a time-out to refocus your energy on the underlying problem. Become self-aware of your emotions and use self-conscious to solve the problem. A short break will help you and your spouse to calm down and think more clearly. Do not be in a hurry to solve a problem.
Do not fight in the Presence of Children
The majority of the couples tend to fall into this mistake especially when the argument has heated up. They tend to forget that they have little ones to protect who do not understand marital disagreements. Keep your children out of your arguments to maintain a good relationship with the family. Research shows that children who experience their parents fighting perform poorly in school because it affects their psychology and emotions.